there was a fight, my emotions won.
Last week I was supposed to write on the topic, “a heart that’s broke is a heart that’s been loved”.
This was supposed to be the intro: You don’t miss the warmth if you’ve never danced under the sun. You cannot miss companionship if you’ve never been held. For a heart to break, it must have been held, and then inevitably dropped.
I was supposed to proceed. I know. But like most things I did last week, I am only sticking with this article because it is something I was supposed to write about. I don’t really know what to write anymore. I made notes two weeks ago, but those notes make no sense anymore. Sometime between waking up this morning and 11:30 am, my mood has hit rock bottom. Hopefully, not irreversibly.
I used to joke that I have never had my heart broken, at least not romantically. My heart has been broken plenty, but never by a man I had chosen to love. Somehow, I always had the option B of leaving in mind. Back, left, right, center.
But I have seen hearts break. I have broken hearts — this is not something I am proud of.
I give up. There is no sense to be made here. My emotions have overridden my brain. And I do not want to put off writing this for later. I may write about the original topic later this week.
Here’s what I’ll say though: If you can avoid falling in love, do. It’s the safest way to keep your heart safe. But we are not wired that way. We are wired to give ourselves up. Most times, the recipient is not ours to decide. But when that occasion arises, you will give everything and God help you if the other person is oblivious or uncaring or both. Then, Pain will give itself up to you, the same way you gave yourself up to Love.
Yours,
Andrea
