Everything Happens For A Reason
Sometimes, I cannot help but wonder at the woman I am becoming. I do not mean this negatively. Oh, hell no! The woman I am becoming is beautiful in all spheres. But she’s also very old-school.
Let me give you an instance. There are times when I reflect on the turns my life has taken in the last decade and say to myself, “Indeed! Things do happen for a reason!” Hearing this makes me sound like a fifty-something-year-old mother of three accepting fate and life for what they are.
Now, you may ask, why do I say this? What happened now to make me say, “Everything happens for a reason?” And honestly, I will say everything.
My friend, Ida, says that ages 6–10 is when a person truly comes into their humanity. I agree. Surviving the most crucial age of existence (0–5) ushers you into the age of self-awareness. This is when you not only experience emotions but also understand them. Grief, loss, joy, winning, competition, sibling rivalry, parental affection, best friend preferences, name it. The second half of the first decade of life tells you it is time to accept humanity and begin to walk those steps.
From 11 to 13, your body allows you to marinate in your awareness and begins to prepare you for identity selection. This is also prepubescence, so your body will also take on the task of preparing you for puberty. I would liken this stage to a sponge. You collect and collect information, identities, personalities, and everything collectible while your body prepares you for proper sorting.
Your -teens bring on an internalized struggle no other person can fully understand. This is the age of self-discovery, where people are marred or made. Everything is a trigger. Everything is trauma-worthy. Everything is significant. Your body and mind go through all the collectibles you acquired earlier and squeeze them. In the end, you and your body subconsciously agree on what to keep and what to toss. Gradually, the foundation of who you are is built and established.
After that internal battle, your 20s introduce you to the world, and now you must fight to earn your place here. This is where everything you have learned — all the tips, tricks, patterns, the things you kept after your squeezing — begin to manifest and prove useful. In this era, there is little you can do to change how you have structured your inner self. However, the beautiful thing is, if you do decide to do that little, it almost always goes a long, long way.
The 20s is when people look for and hopefully find their tribe. Here, you are more intentional with your relationships. Your relationships are not solely based on we go to the same church/school or pure vibes. While you would still have proximity friends — friends you know because you work/school together — you are more inclined to turn down ‘friendship proposals’ to avoid unnecessary stress and protect your mental health. You begin to actively choose people you are certain would be good for you.
My mother says my twenties is my planting stage. This is where I begin to make the bed I will lie on in the coming decades. This is the age when you have thoughts like:
Who am I? Why am I here? What am I doing with my life? How do I know what to do with my life? Dear God, what is my purpose here? Please give me clarity and wisdom.
Why is transport increasing? If I continue to spend time on social media like this, poverty will catch me like a thief.
What am I going to eat today? Why can’t we have other food options in this Nigeria? Or should I start Yahoo? I should apply for another job before this job takes my life. How old am I again? When did I celebrate Sweet 16 here?
Jesus, I’m too young for this back/knee pain. Why are clothes so expensive? I really should go out more. Outside is expensive. There is food at home. If you spend that money on sharwama, you will trek to work tomorrow. They say you only live once, right? If I don’t eat the money I’m working for, then why am I working? Spend it, another one will come.
The fun part about this age, as I am coming to realize, is from here on out, we walk by faith. Your 20s is where and when you see that there are no playbooks to success. And if you keep trying to jump on every train, you will never arrive at your destination. Instead, you will forever be lost on the tracks.
Your 20s are when you have epiphanic moments and say things like, “Truly, everything happens for a reason.” If you are conscious enough, you will catch a glimpse of life’s script and see how gaining late admission in your late teens into a course you despised and having to walk around after school looking for materials to photocopy led you to love and the majority of the best people in your life in your 20s.
You will also see why many things did not go your way, no matter how much you cried, prayed, and hated yourself. You will see how the lines have been falling in pleasant places for you even when you thought those places were thorns and briars.
And because of this, you will begin to make conscious efforts to live in the moment, enjoying the present with great hope for the future. You will plug into the Source of All Life with better confidence and avail yourself of teachable moments. Your mind will be more open to possibilities, and even though you once lived in the boulevard of broken dreams, you will take up a canvas and dream anew.
My 20s are my planting season. I am learning that if five plus five does not equal ten, six plus four might. If I run through whole digits without getting ten, there are decimals to go through, too. As long as there are numbers to count, I’ll keep working on my life’s equation.
And so should you.
I’ll tell you the truth: When I began writing this, I did not know how it would end. It took three days of coming and going to complete it, but I enjoyed writing it. I hope you enjoyed reading it, too. You can clap and leave a comment.
Viel Danke. Muchos Gracias. Obilu Obilu. Uwese kakabo. Thank you very much.
