10 Things I Wish Parents Knew (Part 2)
Dear Parent or Intending, if you missed the first part of this article, you should go back and read it. There, I explained why you should know that with your children:
- This is not what I ordered versus what I got.
- What you get is unique — every time.
- Parenting is a full-time job. You will always begin at the entry-level with each child.
- Your child is yours and yours alone. Even though the saying says, ‘It takes a village.’
- Your child’s teacher is not a miracle worker.
In this article, I will continue the other half of my rant — sorry, advice. I hope it helps you and that you write it on the pages of your heart like I try to do now and again.
Kill the comparison.
You must have this saying time and again, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” But maybe you think it does not apply to your children.
Before they come into the world, you have these goals and standards set for your children. Before they take their first breath, they are already saddled with the responsibility of being your little Mr. or Ms. Perfect.
And should they dare veer off track even a little bit, you would find that other child to compare your child with. Because life and its twisted sense of humor will always give you comparing material.
There’s always that child they could be like if they sat up a little straighter. After all, that other child does not have two heads, right?
Dear parent, by constantly comparing your child with others, even though you do not always tell them to their faces, you teach them that they will never be enough. Eventually, they grow up constantly measuring and comparing themselves with others.
Because you have taught them that there is always someone out there who is better, smarter, and everything-er than them. So, they will keep searching for that person. The better alternative is to teach them that they are their own competition. Instead of teaching them to score good grades like Kiki next door, teach them to aspire to score 80 or 90, where they currently have a 72.
Your child is not perfect.
Tsk, tsk. Your little furball of perfection is really not a little furball of perfection.
My people have a saying that the only child you can swear for is the one in the womb because you do not even know what the one on your back is doing. Talk less of the one that leaves you at home.
When teachers tell you your child did this or that, your job is to take it with a pinch of salt and investigate. Your job is not to shake your head from side to side, hold up your left index finger like a real housewife of Lagos, and say, My child would never.
Because I am so sorry, your child might so ever, or at the very least, be in the company of people who are ever-ing.
Dear parent, do not be one of those who believe that the child they have brought into the world is the purest thing to walk the earth. That is how you set yourself up for heartbreak while raising children who may not know how to confide in you because they, too, are scared of shattering your heart when you realize they were never on the pedestal you placed them on.
Your child knows more than you think.
If your child is over 7, I am even willing to bet that your child knows more than you know. If you are not tech-savvy, it’s worse. This means there is a high possibility of them selling you and your house before you even know it.
It is your job, therefore, to try to be one step ahead. Do not assume your children are too young and so would not know about sex and other vices. Catch them young. Tell them the actual state of events in the most child-friendly language you can muster.
It is better that you tell them as it is and that they learn from you rather than go outside and learn what and how they can.
Dear parent, take control of the situation while you can. Define the narrative for them as truthfully as possible. If you lie or over-censor the truth, when they eventually find out (and they will!), they will find it hard to trust you.
Discipline will not kill your child, I promise.
The Bible knew what it was saying when it said, Spare the rod and spoil the child. Most parents of this day and age have decided to throw away the rod and unleash an avalanche of li’l ro’ens into society.
I understand that spanking your child is now a form of child abuse and whatnot. What I do not understand is why you, as a full-blown adult, would totally eliminate the idea of punishment from your child’s retinue. You who knows that in this world, every and any action gets an equal and opposite reaction/consequence.
It is worse when you send your littles to school and the public with the mindset that nobody can do anything to them. That nobody has the right to caution or punish them.
Deep, deep breaths.
Dear parent, it is completely fine if you never want to use a cane or your hands on your child. What I find wrong is you raising your child not to understand that wrongdoings attract punishments and consequences, even if you say sorry! Teach your children to understand that if they do not learn and act right, life will teach them the hard way. Teach them basic morals. Teach them discipline. Teach them that they cannot always get away with everything.
Practice what you preach. Your children are watching.
The most hilarious lie you can tell yourself is that they are too young to understand what is truly happening. In the end, it all boils down to being disciplined yourself.
You cannot teach your children to tell the truth at all times when you and honesty have a broken relationship. Whenever you tell lies in front of your kids and get away with it, you teach them that rules do not apply to everyone and that if they can get away with something, they should go for it. We both know how easy it is to learn the wrong things.
Dear parents, you cannot preach kindness while being the rudest and meanest person on God’s green earth and expect your children to be lovely little humans. They learn faster from what they see you do. And if what you do conflicts with what you say, you leave them confused and open to choices. This point is not limited to kindness and rudeness. It applies to everything else. Lead by example.
Like I said in the first part, I write this for you as much as I write it for me. Parenting is hard, and no matter how careful you may be, there is always a chance you will screw up. Just as you come to accept that your child is not perfect, you should also accept that you are not perfect.
Do not be tempted to fall into the trap of appearing like a know-it-all, can-do-it-all to your children. It is perfectly okay for them to know that daddy and mummy are not Christ’s perfections! What I encourage you to do instead is to be so present in their lives that they never have to doubt how much you love them and how far you would go for them.
To every parent or intending parent out there who is reading this with the hopes of being better parents than their parents were, well done. The thought counts a lot. Keep aspiring to be better and endeavor to go about it the right way.
Hey, if you enjoyed reading this, Thank you for staying till the end. If you agree with the points raised here, hit the clap button hard (50 times, really) and tell me your favorite point. If you disagree, let me know why in the comments. I’ll be waiting.
